( Private//UnhackableCollapse )
((ooc: now that time has restarted, what the In-Game date? And also, yes I am out of town, pretty much internet-less, but I'll be on as much as I can. Everyone can read Private entries, right, as long as their character doesn't read them?))
note to self: fix low self-esteem.
I'm insubordinate sometimes. I think I demand respect when I haven't earned it. I'm too informal with my superiors, I'm acting like a first class SOLDIER when I'm barely keeping my job as a military police officer. "Colin Highwind, MP." It doesn't quite have that heroic ring that "Church Gremlin" did, my name echoing in the back of the church, with it's collapsed belltower, broken floorboards and those flowers. Flowers that kept me safe and warm until the neighborhood children began to... well... anyway. I hate flowers.
I live in a tower made of ivory and pearlescent white walls. Aptly, it's an insane asylum in here. It takes everything I have not to go absolutely bonkers living with my roommates, and doing meneal tasks for the bigwigs. The commander of my squad treats us like crap. I would rather have Zack as a commander, and that's saying alot (word in the barracks is that Zack could be in line for a promotion to Shinra commander, not just first class SOLDIER.)
I do have a little bit of a grudge against the company I work for, and I will complain about it at great length to the dismay of my roomies. Their conniptions are the source of much gaiety in the lonely nights away from Christina. Complaining, however, is as far as it goes.
I am not a rebel. I can be a handful, and as the years tick by I'm starting to realize that I can't be this way forever -- I'll only remain a grunt and never make it into SOLDIER. I'll never leave the barracks, and never get a life with Christina outside of her parent's house.
I would never take radical action to better my situation, however. Such an opportunity presented itself to me, and I am proud to say that I refused participation. In fact, I am going to notify those bigwigs who I abhor so greatly of an inside man on the job - I've mentioned befriending him in earlier posts. The truth must come out. Sassy or not, I am a Shinra employee. I work for a company that is making the Planet a better, more civilized place.
My wife's cousin is in Midgar visiting for his birthday, which is today. I went to dinner there last night, but when I came back, security was really tight and the whole place was locked up, so I've been in this net cafe the whole night.
I don't wanna go home. Christina's cousin is this total asshole (if you think I'm an asshole, just wait until you meet this guy) he smokes like a chimney and swears more than I do. At first I thought 'Great! Someone like me!' but he's so unfriendly, so unwelcoming. Maybe he just has a bigger grudge against Shinra than I do, I hear he's a top engineer for them, some plane designer or something.
So not being able to get into my room, and not wanting to go home, I came to this net cafe. It's almost ten in the morning, man. I need some sleep.
Scraped gum off Shinra's floor two days ago, uneventful.
Security at Shinra HQ continues to weaken. I think I've finally formed something of a friendship with one of my coworkers, he's a security guard who watches the monitors, a boring meneal job, which is why we get along. Also, because he's taken to napping at work, so when I visit him we don't have to communicate much. It's mostly just us being alone together - him asleep, and me in the sweet escape from military duties, which usually involve training with the likes of Cloud and Zack.
Just got a buzz, my commander wants me to... what? Oh goddamnit, of all the things to ask me to do...
"Did we... lose our memories?" my wife says to me. What kind of question is that? What is it supposed to mean?
What do memories matter anyway, I wish I could forget everything, my years in that stinking church with those stinking flowers, my terrible squad mates. Sephiroth. Zack. President ShitRa and his dorky son.
I wish I could... lose my memories.
So my week off really wasn' t my idea...
The commander of our brigade called me up, my suspension has been lifted. The day I get back, I'll be scraping gum off of President Shinra's floor. Apparently, the long walk from the staircase to his desk is enough to convince the bigwigs to spit out their gum wherever they please.
Please, I'm a military force to be reckoned with, not some pansy with a scraper. These kind of jobs are exactly what's wrong with Shinra Inc. Stepping on the little guy again. They could, Ifrit forbid, hire a janitor to do that. I think the headquarters has about fifty of them. I think they like making me to meandering, mundane crap just to lower my self esteem enough so that I know my place, I have been a little vocal about my discontent lately, I know it's made me a few enemies in my room. Whatever, I'll be around long after they're all dead. On some new battlefield (like Wutai has a fighting chance anymore -- yeah right!)
Seriously, though, it is a pretty long walk between the staircase and Shinra's desk. I know, I've walked it. I was almost out of breath by the time I made it, I was escorting Veld up to speak with the president on... but I digress, the point is, why is the 70th floor of the Shinra Headquarters devoted solely to a desk and some marble floor, and pearl and ivory pillars. What a useless floor, it's just a monument to Shinra's power, a trophy of pachyderm genocide...
Now that I've gotten than off my chest, I'll do it with a little less fuss. These online blogs are somewhat theraputic, maybe a change in my life is about to ensue...?
Naw, I just got laid tonight. That afterglow of tension release is still floating around. No need to put this on a pedestal.
Took Christina to see this play called Loveless. I'm not entirely sure why I thought it would be a good idea. I didn't expect the play to be so... depressing. It was about slumlings, or something. I'm not a play critic. The themes are love, the nature of evil and stuff, I think. There was a botched rebel uprising, some heavy topics. This guy beside us was snoring, Christina's cousin or something.
My point is that it wasn't exactly an aphrodesiac performance. It didn't quite put Christina in the mood. It's just... it's my week off work, and I haven't been... satisfied yet, you know?
It's just frustrating, it's tough enough being in the army as it is, with all the testosterone flying around. When I get home, I have all this pent up... frustration, you know? And everyday, she's been finding an excuse not to act as husband and wife should. The other day it was that girl in the Goblin Bar who weirded her out. The day after that, it was the fight with her parents.
I spend more time on the couch than I do in bed with her. It's like they just adopted me all over again.
I hate late winter, it's almost as bad as early spring. And it keeps getting worse like that until we're back to late winter again, and it always seems worse every time I encounter it.
There's this place in Sector 8 called the Goblin Bar, it has crap food but it's open twenty four hours a day and for twelve gil, you get all you can eat food.
I took Christina in there for our anniversary, because well you know how she loves to eat. I met this young woman named Rhonda who apparently has been sitting in there for like five years. You'd think they would have rules about that sort of thing.
So as you might have guessed, I'm taking this week off from living in the Shinra training centre. My roommates and I get along about as well as a levrikon and an irate tonberry, and besides, being sick in love counts as sick leave, doesn't it? Staying with Christina's parents for a week is enough to make anyone sick. As soon as I get into SOLDIER, after all my long years of training, well, then we'll move somewhere nice, one of those really posh houses at the north end of Sector 7, right by the theatre district of Sector 8.
I had a strange craving for hedgehog pie today, which I haven't had in over a decade. My ugly, fat body just needs some raw meat, I guess. Still got a little church gremlin still in this useless body of mine.
Nothing much else to update. I was sent to investigate some slumling who is illegally importing flowers or something and selling them for a hundred gil. I'll look into it tomorrow, if I can get off my fat ass. Don't know why they're still sending me out on these nothing missions when I'm on leave. Nothing's on the telly anyway. Colin out.